My story

Sarah's story

"My name is Sarah and I am 36 years old. I own a successful small business and am married with two daughters.

In 2006, I was diagnosed with postnatal depression after the birth of my youngest daughter. After seeking help from a variety of doctors and hospitals, I was finally admitted to the Mother and Baby Unit at St John of God Hospital, Burwood. This was a very stressful time for me personally; for my family and for my business. 

My newborn baby started experiencing feeding problems at nine weeks of age. I had no family networks to call upon and my husband and I were still both working full-time. I remember thinking nobody would listen to me when I said that there was something wrong with my baby.

My thoughts were so negative - I told myself I was a bad mother because I couldn't stop her screaming. I was scared, frustrated and believed I didn't deserve her because I couldn't look after her needs properly. I felt extremely trapped and something snapped. The decisive and well balanced person I was disappeared and I could not think straight.

In amongst all of the fog I was terrified of being at the hospital. I remember going back to my room and sitting with my husband and begging him to take me home because I did not belong there. But deep down I must have known that I just had to be there for my own safety and that of my family.

I remember being shown around the unit and the baby was taken from me and was looked after by the most amazing nursing staff who could not believe the trouble that I was having simply feeding her.  It was taking them 1.5 hours just to get 60mls of milk into her which was way below what she should have been drinking at 14.5 weeks old. 

Once I had received two full nights sleep (the nursing staff take care of the baby for the first two nights of your stay), I was determined not to be in the hospital for too long.  The minimum stay at the hospital is three weeks. I was extremely fortunate to have only been there for two weeks as my medication kicked in and sorted me out very quickly.

I am not a great person for medication and will only use it when absolutely necessary. I will never forget the comments from my doctor just one week into my stay where she thought I had been there for two weeks based on how well I was because the medication had been increased to the right level. I was not one of her easiest patients I'm sure!  What with not wanting to take medication at all, then bargaining with her about the dosage each time I saw her - She was wonderful, patient, kind and caring and that is the kind of doctor you need on your side when you are not well and no one will listen to you.

My youngest daughter is now two and a half years old and I enjoy a very close bond with her. I've learnt to trust my parenting skills. I'm no longer embarrassed by having suffered postnatal depression and want to encourage other women who may be going through something similar to acknowledge their feelings and seek professional help.

I have said many times that I know I wouldn't be alive today without the support and help I received from the staff at St John of God Hospital."